busy with school. life as usual. suddenly really into post-apocalyptic gas mask drawings. freaky? a bit.

more posts when this term is over. /soul sucking

wish this song was out a few months ago, it sums up my last relationship pretty well.

This is the last time you say,
After the last line you break,
It's not even a holiday,
Nothing to celebrate.
You give a hundred reasons why,
And you say you're really gonna try.
If I had a nickel for every time,
I'd over-bank.

Thought that I was the exception,
I could have rewrite your addiction,
You could've been the greatest,
But you'd rather get wasted.

You fall asleep during foreplay,
'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking' mother.
Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain.

so today i handed in my two weeks notice for my summer job, i had been debating for a while which of my two jobs to keep and have decided (obviously) upon my teaching. i can't complain about the job, since i love the kids...and where else am i gonna get a job that pays 18 an hour and only needs me twice a week? (granted its on weekends..but hey, i've gotten used to it) i was going to wait another week to hand it in, but since im probably going to be working well into next week without a break, i decided now was as good a time as any. so, as of the 23rd i will finally have my 'summer break.' after 2 months of summer school and two months of working two jobs...i think i deserve a little respite before heading back to the grind - and a measly two weeks out of my entire summer to enjoy, lounge, possibly go away, isn't too much to ask, is it?

i really should have gone to sleep an hour ago but as usual i've gotten sucked in to my computer and have yet to even set my alarm. i have much to be epically stressed about but am trying (as i mentioned last post) to not let it get to me. i've decided on my final day of work for one job (have yet to decide about the other) so that at least makes me feel better about all the drama and shit thats hitting the fan in major ways as of late there. i hope that by the time im gone it'll be able to at least drunkenly stumble along without me, but if not i dont really have any regrets. i tried my best and if it doesn't smooth out by then its not my problem.

on another note, im totally addicted to GEO-CACHING now ..and i've only done it once. its so nerdy but so epic at the same time. once i finally get a day off (in like two weeks..) i plan to go find the one situated by the creek by my house. and possibly go hide one myself. i'll have to make up a list of things that i can put in it and get a lock and lock box...decisions decisions.

thank god my work week is almost over, its been a hellish 6 day stretch and i am much due for a weekend. im getting fairly sick of having my weekends on non-weekend days. its a social killer thats for sure. its also annoying that i can't laze in bed and have a late breakfast with my family (only if they've cooked pancakes or scones of course.) at least it will sort itself out once i get back into the swing of school in september. i can't even believe its already august, that i will soon turn 22 and that so much stuff has managed to happen in the span of a year. i guess most people usually reflect on the year they've had once january/new years runs around but i always find it seems to pop up more in my mind when my birthday approaches.

i remember complaining that 2009 (my 20th year) was far too uneventful. boy was i even in for a shock. never wish for a more eventful year, you may just get it. and as my year of being 21 nears to a close, i realize that i should have enjoyed that year more. at least i had less responsibilities (work, school etc) back then. BUT i'm thankful for a lot things that have happened since last august...

such as ditching out on design school last september. yeah, i lost over two grand in tuition costs but in the long run i know i would have been miserable for a lot longer had i stayed. im thankful that my parents didn't shoot me after learning i'd dropped out. that i managed to apply to emily carr before the deadline (if only just!) and that i got accepted. that i met so many new people (for better or worse.) that one friend in particular convinced me to open an online dating account with her (which has been thoroughly hilarious and eventful.) that i've managed to re-connect with some old friends and that it seems like we never left each other.

most importantly, that i've learned to forget, if not forgive, and to move on.

the one thing that i hope to learn within the next birthday is to not let things effect me as much. to not keep things pent up and stress me out. that things that happen are not going to be the end of the world. to do this im going to try to be healthier (in lifestyle, eating habits and mentally) and to use my art, singing and writing as an outlet for it all...creatively.

i've had a headache all day and i swear that it is probably induced by shear boredom. which, after five days of very stressful, hectic days at work you'd think would be relaxing. i think im just way too fidgety to sit still and do nothing for long periods of time. you can thank my fathers workaholic nature for that one. but, i didn't actually want to go out and be social either..so i guess its really my own fault for not finding something else to do.

today is also my quote unquote saturday, which is awesome...except for the fact that is EVERYONE ELSES wednesday. therefore...its not quite so awesome. i am also still watching my phone and willing it to ring (or vibrate as this case may be, its never really been on a ring tone) but of course that just makes me upset so i'm trying to ignore the fact that i am also being ignored. i think its time to find something to do.

i a very impatient person and find waiting immensely dissatisfying. such as today, when waiting for a text or call from a certain someone and finding that it most likely is not coming today. patience is not a virtue i possess..most of the time. i can spend tedious hours working on a drawing or painting..yet get so frustrated with little things...like when i can't get an earring in or i can't find a the pair of shoes i was planning to wear with my outfit. stupid little things. such as this text that has yet to come. a stared at phone never rings, right?

in other news, training new employees that would rather people watch than pay attention to you is annoying. also annoying is their lack of cotton ball usage when putting the rings back in their spots (just pretend you understand that, please.) unfortunately, said person is my only hope at the moment, so i'll just do my best with what i am offered.

and now i go back to willing my phone to ring.

so i was looking over all my old blogs and stupid old things like that and realized how much i used to update things like this. i really should start up again, with all the crap thats going on in my life right now, i could use an outlet. so...livejournal, i am back. for a while at least.

working two jobs is pretty painful. especially when im expected to hire AND train a whole new set of people to staff my store, after only being employed at said store for a month. why the hell did i sign up to manage this store, you ask? well..thats a good question. i figured, fire a few people here, make a schedule there..its all good right? wrong. i have a week - no LESS than a week to train 2 new people and hire a third. awesome sauce, yeah. also, my teaching job is getting iffy..i still love the kids, they're the most amazing people i've had the chance to meet. but..the politics and drama of the school are getting a little thin. like...worn out jeans you no longer want thin. but i'll miss the pay if i leave..so i may end up staying. knowing me i'll end up in even more debt that i have now so i'll need it.

also, breaking up with boyfriends is good times, no? especially when said boyfriend (or ex, if you please) is also an alcoholic douchebag who ended up in the hospital multiple times during the relationship. and then also sucks at calling. or hanging out. but is totally down with being a mooch and using me for my charity and obviously way too nice personality. couch surf at your girlfriends for a month and a half, use her shit, borrow her ipod, move out, untag yourself from all of our photos on facebook and never call again. steps of being said douchbag,for those of you who would really like to fuck up (yourself and others) sad part? it took me a good month to come to the realization i was BETTER OFF. why am i such a tool? should have dumped his ass the first time i got a call from the hospital, eh? well..live and learn. and rinse and repeat. douche.

so the dating scene is awesome. no sarcasm, really. well..maybe a little. after the coaxing of a friend, i made an online profile and have been using that for a while (be careful though, met said douchebag on there as well) and went on a lovely date tonight, which i hope to repeat with the same boy in the near future. just next time i'll have to remember not to under-tip the waiter. it was an accident i swear! but the food at the restaurant was MARVELOUS. so nicely presented. i also hard core nerded about the layout of the place and the furniture and decor. and people watched to the extreme. i dont think he minded. much.
but that is boy number 130 of 290980435 (not really, but it seems like it) im back to having a billion love interests and no boyfriend. which for the moment is fine. after such an unhealthy relationship, it will be good to be out of that scene for a while (not to say im not gonna date around and..well other things around.) music writer/chemical worker messaged me the other day, but havent heard from him since. last text i got was odd so we'll have to play that one by ear. then theres the kid who lives in my hood, but we keep on missing each other. our phones also hate each other and refuse to text properly. perhaps this is a sign from text heaven. then there is aussie, who just wants in my pants at the moment, which im totally okay with. but have yet to actually let him in said pants. plus the other ten or so i added to crackbook and have really not gone on to bigger and better things with. yet.

so, in conclusion, work is draining, dont be a manager, dont date douchebags (if possible), and online dating is fun. practice safe online usage, kids.

a glutton for punishment if i still love you.

i haven't really posted on here recently...schools been sucking my soul as of late. but overall, im really enjoying life right now. its summer, my boyfriend is amazing (if a bit fucked up in his past...) and i've officially gone off my anti-depressents. things are looking up :)